One such was a genial old gent called Bert Jones, who used to sit on Ribble Valley Borough Council in the Labour interest. The Conservative and Liberal Democrat members of the council used to look down their noses at him and, while they were all feeling terribly important at their group meetings, Bert used to sit on his own; he was the only Labour member of the council.

But, for all that, he was a serious-minded fellow and did his best to represent the ordinary working man and woman of Clitheroe. He was an old-fashioned, Attlee-style politician and, though I did not know him well, I knew him well enough to know he was constitutionally incapable of telling a lie. He was a genuine, honest and modest man.

And then I saw him have his moment in the limelight. It was the night of the council elections and we were all at the count in Clitheroe. It was going to be a close run thing between the Tories and the Liberals and everyone was sitting around, in their groups, anxiously waiting to see who would end up in charge. Bert, as usual, was sitting on his own.

There were recounts in several wards and it was getting terribly late, but, gradually, as the final results started coming in, it started to look ominous for both sides ... and then it happened.

The Liberals and Tories each ended up with the same number of seats and Bert the underdog had become Bert the kingmaker.

It was a wonder to behold. Two men wanted to be Leader of the Council and two men wanted to be Mayor. And then there were at least two men who wanted to be chairman of each of the council's committees. They crowded around Bert in just the way young men crowd round the prettiest girl at the party and sucked up to him so hard you could almost see their cheeks popping.

It was pure pleasure to see their pride and pomposity pricked.

On October 23rd, there is going to be a council by-election in Billington. There is a Conservative candidate, a charming nurse and former councillor called Carl Ross, and there is a Lib Dem new boy called Green. But, amazingly, delightfully, providentially, there is a Labour candidate called Thurogood-Hyde from Clitheroe as young as Bert was old!

How I wish I lived in Billington, Langho or Brockhall. How I wish I could vote for Master Thurogood-Hyde. His party, of course, appals me. Just like the Tories and Liberals, it is at least as bad as the other two put together.

But what better way to tell the councillors what we think of them than sending a "child" to join them!
e-mail: thecontrarian@hotmail.co.uk